Monday, March 7, 2011

A long overdue update

So when I started this blog I thought, "I will post all the time!" hah! lol.. I am far too busy to do such a thing despite my wanting to.  I have found that being a caregiver for me means constant change.  Recently my husband and I talked about how difficult it is for us to be in a constant state of flux.  You see he has a TBI and PTSD and they can be very different from one day to the next, and I can almost always roll with that no matter what kind of day it will be or what issues they present us with on any given day.  However, the one thing that always throws us for a loop is the unknown random paralysis.  It is easy for people to accept your challenges and disabilities when they are pretty much predictable, but when you go from walking one day to paralyzed the next, people can't handle it.  In fact it can make them so uncomfortable that they don't even want to be around you.  I know this plays a large part in why my husband is sadly such a homebody, even he struggles with the unpredictability of it all.  I guess I mourn for the days gone by when we were full of life and spontaneous and could plan a date and actually keep it and enjoy a dinner and movie out.  Now those things are just faded memories of what was, and once in a blue moon they happen for us but it sure is rare indeed.  I think there are a number of reasons that my husband does not like being around people.  He doesn't like crowds, he doesn't like feeling vulnerable, he doesn't like when people stare at him in his wheelchair or whisper behind his back, he hates when people walk right in front of his wheelchair and expect me to stop on a dime and not hit them.  The list really could go on and on, but the point is that war and injuries change lives forever.  Will he get better and learn to cope? Yeah, I think so.. but there will always be the random nightmares or flashbacks to how horribly he was treated by his own men for no good reason.  My husband served, was injured, and then kicked out with no purple heart even though he deserved one.  He is not the first hero I have heard of with a TBI that never received one.  I will continue fighting for as long as it takes.

Ugh! I was starting to ramble.  Okay now I am moving on to something else completely..
Our house is on the market and we are hoping and praying it will sell soon.  So far there has been very little interest and the interest we have received is all from those who want to rent to own.  I am not sure if this is a wise path to take, but I am doing my homework and will make sure It's handled very well if that is the road we decide to take.  Okay, well now I am exhausted and probably not making sense anymore so I am going to to go bed.  Later!